Speical K

I deserve this. Fucked up my bed, now I have to just lay in it.

As a society we tend to assimilate… because we are human beings of course…who wants to be left out and alone? Thus, we become what surrounds us.
“Birds of a feather flock together”

The scary part is we begin to lose ourselves as individuals allowing the thoughts, actions, and ways of others to take over.

You know how if one girl in a group of girl friends decides to break up with her boyfriend, there’s a domino effect and they all end up breaking up with their boyfriends?

It’s because one girl will talk so much shit that it literally infects everyone else’s mind. “oh yeah, fuck GUYS! They’re all dogs… Can’t trust them” “uh huh, yeah GIRL, fuck guys. Let’s get dolled up and go out!” “Yeah, let’s dance our ass off and forget about boys”

It seems pathetic and exaggerated but it does truly happen.

The perspectives of others can really distort your own reality and how you act.… This is exactly what happened to me.
In fact, I’ve let this happen to me a lot in the past and the culprits are always my girlfriends. Not that I blame them, but they trigger the issues.

I lost myself, I’m not sure for how long but I let other people’s problems manifest in my own life when nothing was ever really wrong. And I lost someone I never meant to let go. 

It’s like watching a korean drama… or a soap opera… You become so entwined that their lives become almost real. The problem is you expect your own life to carry out like theirs when in reality that junk is so overly dramatic. The emotions we expect to feel- we never do. Sometimes I think this makes our reality boring and depressing. 

Anyway, point is stay away from drama….. no point in wasting and creating more emotion then we need to. We’re already emotional beings. 

I realize that it takes a lot of back bone to stand out and hold your beliefs strong. I’ve been weak, but I won’t let myself become weaker. At least I can see….. at least I’m aware. That’s forward progress right there.

You were right. I fucked up. 

“reflection is key to progression”

Such an emotional week. still.